We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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