She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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