id be glad to
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
