She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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