And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
