piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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