she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
