ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
