whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the condom got lost in my hair
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
