...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
