I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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