Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
