her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
