her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
