Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
