This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
