this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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