I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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