Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
