You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
