It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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