my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
