i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
