We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
