Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
