i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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