Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
