dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
