I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize