I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
