I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
