girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
