Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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