pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
