In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
