I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
