So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
