why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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