When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
