What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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