Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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