he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
