I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
