I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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