Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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