i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
