Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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