At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
