Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
