from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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