Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
