Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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