I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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