i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pooping to opera.
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