Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
