Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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