It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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