sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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