I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
