I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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