omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize