i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Alive.
So much puke
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
