i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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