lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
