one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
