i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
